My days have started to blend together as. I guess that it is just a part of growing up. Our lives start to become repetitive and virtually monotonous.
7:00 Wake up and start looking for apartments and send out emails.
7:45 Start catching up on the craziness that is the news now.
8:15 Get ready for the day.
8:30 Leave for work
9:15 Start work
6:00 Clock Out.
7:00 Get home, eat, and catch up on other work.
9:00 Play video games or watch a movie. Basically just destress and mentally prepare for the next day.
12:00 Go to sleep
And that is it. Nothing else really happens. All of my friends that used to live up here have moved back home for the summer and my family is all too busy with their own lives to hang out with me. I don’t blame them, any of them. It is fine to have their own lives, and I know that I have (and am) in their position. It is just life and for a time, I found myself being bored.
I have recently started to find my life, as boring as it is, has its charms. I don’t have time to go out and make new friends, but I have found that the people that I work with to be wonderful people and hilarious to be around. I oftentimes don’t have the time (or energy) to go do anything interesting, but I have the opportunity to create incredibly beautiful art and advertisements that thousands of people get to see every day. I don’t always get to go on a run in the morning, but I get plenty of exercise at my day job… etc.
I have recently come to this conclusion as I have been analyzing this week. I used the word “it sucks” a LOT in the first few entries, and at the time, I felt it. It really sucked. I was sad this week because I was making an actual commitment to not communicate with my girlfriend (and best friend) for the week. Now that it is Saturday, and the week is almost over, I don’t really see it the same way anymore.
When I proposed the idea to Jayden that we spend the week away from each other, I knew that she would take me up on it. She had been so exhausted and I could tell that for whatever reason, I was only making it worse. I knew that I would hate it and be miserable for a week, but I also knew that this was something that probably needed to be done. And, regardless of the situation, I would rather be apart from her and have her be happy than with her when she is miserable. But that was the extent of the week in my mind. I was going to try and keep my mind busy this week, and then Jayden was going to feel better, and then everything would be perfect! Right? No.
This week I haven’t been able to spend time with Jayden, but I have been able to take a step back and look at her through a new lens, a lens that isn’t as obstructed by the foggy love glasses that I constantly have on whenever I am near her. I have been able to focus on projects that I have always put on the backburner in order to spend time with her. I have been able to take a step back and look at myself and my needs with a new understanding of what I need. Now don’t get me wrong, I am counting down the hours until I can actually communicate with her again, I am super excited to be able to hug her, and just see her. It took me 4 days to be able to realize that this break isn’t only going to be beneficial for one of us.
It is such a common ideology that you are told since you got upset because your cousin stole the legos at your grandma’s house. “He can’t make you be upset, it is all up to your own personal choices” or “Why don’t you focus on the good things about when you were there, instead of focusing on the bad?” are words that were told to me many times as a child. It is a lesson that is difficult to learn, or even grasp. It is a lesson that I feel like my parents didn’t master, and that the majority of adults don’t understand. It is a lesson that I am just starting to grasp, 16 years later.
So the next time that you get upset, or depressed about life, just watch this video and remember the words that I have spoken.
My Secret Public Journal 